I was laying in bed the other night with my three year old wrapped around me, head on my shoulder with her little hand curled up laying over my heart and I had one of those wonderful Hark! The Harold Angels sing moments where peace and serenity and grace fall on me all at once and I just lay there and feel….
I tried not to stir and move her at all but I snuggled in a little deeper with her and started to think of all the other things that bring me joy…
I love the feel of my husband standing close behind me, when I lean back and sink into his chest and he puts his hands on my hips and his lips on the back of my head. I feel safe and warm.
I love a hot shower after a long run. I feel proud and tired and relaxed.
I love giving away my old clothes that I have UN-grown-out-of. I love shopping for new clothes, and having to go back for a different size, but for a different reason now.
I love posting the stats of my runs on Facebook. I love when my husband, family and friends “like” them. I feel liked.
I love when my daughter asks me if she can do something, anything, just like me. I feel inspiring.
I love sleeping on clean sheets with clean shaven legs. I feel decadent.
I love sitting in a sun warmed car on a chilly autumn day. I feel cozy.
I love the way the sunlight filters through the atmosphere differently for a week in the spring and a week in the fall and it makes the whole world look so crisp and clean. I feel innocent.
I love finding the perfect thing to add to a story. I feel magical.
I love the running of the daughters when I turn my key in the lock on the door when I come home after work. I love the way they crash into me with their whole bodies while they scream “MOMMY!” I feel missed, loved and appreciated.
I love the jangle of my wedding rings on my finger, both the fact that they are still there after eight years together and and the fact that every day they get a little looser. I feel accomplished. I feel persistent and resilient. I feel committed and determined. For both of the reasons.
I love being happy. I have come to understand that happiness, real true happiness, isn’t a state that you can exist in for very long. There’s content. There’s satisfied. You can be that every day, and I am those things everyday, mixed in with frustrated, rushed, irritated and sad.
But HAPPY? Happy happens in moments. Little fleeting glimpses of the devine. Little bursts of euphoria that you have to learn to recognize. Once you figure out how to stop and say “Right now, this moment right here; I am happy.” then you can start to accept that long term contentment is a good and full life, as long as you also relish happiness when you find it.